All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
