Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
