if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
