sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
