I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
