I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
