Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
