He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
