Midget sex pt 2 tonight
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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