To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
