RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
