Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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