Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize