yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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