I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
