i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
