I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
