He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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