the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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