vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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