If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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