would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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