Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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