no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
handjob tips. give me some.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
