So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
