i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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