Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
