Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
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All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
this is an emotional support booty call
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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