I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
