You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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