I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The maid of honor just puked.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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