Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
