six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
ok first of all what the fuck
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
