dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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