he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
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Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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