Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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