On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
someone threw a dead crab at me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
