My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think my moral compass just broke
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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