her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
