this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
