Can i not drive my cunt home
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
