dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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