I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
