My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
