Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
