We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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