I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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