Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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