They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
