she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
