my sisters under your porch take her home
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Mom said you looked used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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