Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
