Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
