She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
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there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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