Having a random hookup so left but love u
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize