We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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