I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize