none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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