Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
