I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
