Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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