I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
