dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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