I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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