I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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